Letters to Snape
by macadoodles
Summary: Over the summer, Dumbledore assigns Snape the task of writing to Harry. Told in letters between the two, arguments and secrets are discovered! Oneshot. Enjoy :


**Read ME! **Hey there reader! So my friend Amber and I were e-mailing each other, and well, I call her Harry and she calls me Sev, so we started to talk as if we were actually the HP characters. It turned into this. Hope you enjoy it! I own nothing!  
Amber is DaDemonLovesMalfoy, an amazing authour on this site!

****

Dear Boy-Who-Won't-Drop-Dead,

Albus has asked me to keep you amused this summer much to my horror. But surely you don't wish to correspond with me. Do you?

Professor Snape

Dear Professor Snape,

Yes. If you could. Please?

~Potter

****

Dear Potter,

Since you asked so politely, I shall. ********

Don't expect kindness next time.

~Professor Snape********

P.S. Your friend Lexa thinks we should talk like this more often.

Dear Snape,

We should! *snickers* Did you know I'm a Slytherin at Heart?

~Potter

****

Dear Potter,

It's Professor Snape, smart one. Maybe you should ask you friend Granger for help next time. And I agree.

Slytherin? Explains why you spend so much time next to Mr. Malfoy...

~Professor Snape

Dear _Professor_ Snape,

Um. Yeah, that's it.

I got Hermione's help with this as you suggested. She made sure to delete the many, many insults that were in this letter. If I could ask a question? How long have you known the Ferret?

~Boy-Who-Lived

********

Dear Potter,

Asking Miss Granger's help was a good decision. However, it did refrain me from giving you another detention, but I'm sure you'll mess something up so there's no problem. I have known Mr. Malfoy, as you should call him, since birth. I was one of the first people Lucius told of his birth.

Prof. Snape

********

P.S. Lexa wants to know if you liked her editing.

Dear Prof.

Sorry I missed your owl! And please tell that nutty Ravenclaw that yes I loved his editing.

And really? You must feel honoured!

~Potter

********

Dear Potter,

You should transfer to Pigfarts. I hear it's totally awesome.

Professor Snape

Dear Prof.

Really? I hear Malfoy might transfer there.

~Potter

****

Dear Potter,

Mr. Malfoy believes that Rumbleroar is far superior to our current Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, and therefore wants to transfer.

Please do the same, as I hate having a walking reminder of James Potter strutting around the school, a living memory of how I failed with Lily and how my actions led to the death of the only thing I ever loved...

Snape

Dear Professor,

Um...I'm sorry?

~Potter

****

Dear Potter,

That nutty Ravenclaw is a girl, and would like to be named as so. I do feel honoured, and I congratulate you for placing a "u" in that word. Have you uploaded yet?, she would like to know.

Prof. Snape

****

P.S. She seems awfully fond of me...it's sort of creeping me out.

Dear Prof.

Tell Lexa that I will update soon.

And really? There is this girl I know named Amber I believe that is obsessed with me and your godson along with you. She also seems to love Tom Riddle. Though she doesn't agree completely it still freaks me out! But she hates James Potter! I'm sure that'll please you.

~Potter  
P.S. Are you aware of a site called FanFiction?

****

Dear Potter,

I shall tell your obsessive friend, Miss Lexa, that you will update your whatever-your-doing soon. Hm, I want to meet this Amber...she seems like a nice girl. Although I will have to investigate her liking of Tom Riddle...I am glad that she despises your father too!

****

And no, I have never heard of "fanfiction." Care to inform me? Or shall I have to go to your insufferable know-it-all friend Granger?

Professor Snape

Dear Professor Snape

Well I was using this contraption called a Blackberry. It is a telephone not a berry OR potion ingredient. As I went through her history I saw this thing called a FanFiction. I clicked on it and it showed stories about various people in our world. Most were about me and I can't say I love all of the stories. There are some where you are my real father! Or my mentor! Or where I'm some race of Magical Creature or I'm the life mate to one. There are also ones set post war. Or ones where I let the Hat sort me to Slytherin. There are a ton about you also. You are "paired" with my mother a lot but sometimes with Lucius.

~Potter

****

Dear Potter,

How do the Muggles even know about our world? I wonder..but what's wrong with some of the stories about you? I thought you loved everything that had anything to do with you! I would never adopt you or be your real father, Potter. That thought just disturbs me, unless Lily did marry me...but our child would probably be nothing like you. I might read some of these "paired with Lily" stories and just...no. I would never be with Lucius. In truth, though, I firmly believe the guy is gay. Or at least bi. He's way too flamboyant and has an interest in ballet.

Prof. Snape

********

P.S. Lexa wants to know if she should update Amber's fanfiction now...what are we, owls for these girls?

Dear Sev,

Is it okay if I call you that? I hate all the attention! I don't want to be the Boy-Who-Lived I want to be the Boy-That-Lives. Also you know Rita Skeeter correct? She decided to write out my life story into SEVEN books under the pen name of J.K Rowling! It's an outrage! And ballet! Ahahahahahaha!  
P.S. Meh. Tell her 5 minutes.

**Dear Boy-Who-Lives,**

**You may call me Severus. I will decide when you can call me Sev, as that is an honour I only gave to your mother. And curse that Rita Skeeter!**

**Severus**

Dear Severus,

You couldn't resist could you! XD *that means laughter* yeah Amber showed me some charts and after the seventh book (where you somehow die. Do people think your dead or is she exaggerating?) people adore you! So much so that they dubbed you BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD! Which I found hilarious. I could just imagine you scowling.

~Harry

**Dear_ Mr._ Potter,**

**There. I gave you the courtesy of calling you Mr. Potter. XD means laughter? Is that a Muggle thing? And how dare Rita Skeeter say I died! Who does she think she is? I know she hates me but that's just taking it to the extreme. What other lies does she tell in those books of hers? People love me? There's only one person that I will ever love, and that's Lily Evans. Although I am the Best Person in the World. Don't you forget that, Potter.  
****Glad that you know me well enough to imagine me scowling.**

**Severus**

Dear Severus,

Yes it is a Muggle thing. And um, I don't know how to put this but Amber owns your godson...Remember I'm just the informer!

~Harry

P.S. you can call me Harry...if you would like to that is...please?

**Dear Hairy,**

**WHAT? What did that girl do? She owns Draco? I NEED TO TALK TO HER IMMEDIATELY!**

**~Snape**

_To Snape:_

_SEVVIE! This is Amber! I heard you wanted to speak to me?_

_From Amber!_

**Amber,**

**1. DON'T call me Sevvie. It's demeaning, and unless you want to wake up with spiders in your bed, I suggest not repeating that name. And what is this I hear about you OWNING my godson? Lucius is probably not pleased.**

**Professor Snape  
****P.S. Your friend Lexa is getting antsy. And tell Harry to shut up about my private life.**

_To Snape:_

_Oh Sevvie I love spiders! And tell Lexa to update cuz I uploaded and Harry well I don't have control over him and draco is mine fair and square I got him for my birthday! So Ha! Mwa ha ha! By the way YOUR AWESOME! Omg! You made Harry upset! You jerk!_

_From Amber!_

Dear Professor,

Apparently Draco has been owned since July 8th. How did you not notice.

~Potter

**Dear Potter,**

**Draco did not inform me of him being owned by that girl. And how did I offend you? Lexa would like to say that she did what Amber asked. Personally, I think Lexa is more tolerable than Amber, but that Amber is a true Slytherin while Lexa reminds me of Miss Lovegood.**

**Severus**

Dear Professor,

I am not upset. What gave you that indication?

~Potter  
P.S. Amber seems peeved off with you at the moment. Tell Lexa that she squealed in glee when she saw the chapter update.

**Dear Potter,**

**Miss Amber gave me that impression when she said, "OMG! You made Harry upset you jerk!"**

**Severus**

**P.S. Lexa is happy that Amber is happy. :)**

**P.P.S. Potter, what does :) mean?**

Dear Professor,

You are a jerk, and if you don't know why then you are just the slimy git everyone calls you.

~Potter  
P.S. it means a smile

**Dear Harry,**

**I'm sorry I can't find in my cold, dark heart to love you. I'm sorry. HAPPY.**

**SEVERUS SNAPE**

Dear Severus,

You have made me immensely happy!

~Harry! :)

**Dear Potter,**

**I still hate you.**

**Professor Severus Snape**

Dear Severus,

I wouldn't expect anything more.

~Harry :)

!)(#*!)(&%#()&%(*&)(!&#)!*&#)(!*&#

**Please review! hope you enjoyed it!**

**~macadoodles!**


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